So life just isn’t hard enough for you these days, huh? Life gotten a bit dull, boring, predictable? Thinking you’d like a bit of a new challenge? Something to shake things up a bit? 

Well, I’ve got just the thing you need! A good, old-fashioned, homemade, mid-life crisis!

Oh, don’t worry. You can adjust the spice as you prefer. And if you want to partake, but not quite at middle age yet? No worries! Just reduce the recipe amounts and you can have your own quarter life crisis instead if that’s more your speed!

Now, there are lots of recipes out there, there’s lots of ways to make them. So I thought I’d condense my favorite ingredients. Of course, these are all interchangeable and you can skip one if it’s not your vibe. 

You know how some people skip the adding the nutmeg in their pumpkin pies? Yea, it’s like that. It’ll lose a little bit of the kick, but the essence is still there. 

So without further ado, here’s a recipe that’s been passed down by generations that you, my lovely friends, I am choosing to share with you! 

In my work as a life coach these days, I’ve seen all types of recipes. Some of which are very creative and ingenuity filled. Resourceful cooks, I must say. 

But here are some of the most common ingredients I’ve seen to give you a start in making your own mid-life crisis! 

And like any good recipe you’ll find online, let’s dive into all the backstory of the ingredients first. Or, you can skip all the fluffy stuff and jump right to the recipe. Does anyone NOT immediately hit that button?

First things first. What’s a mid-life crisis? 

For the sake of this recipe, a mid-life crisis we’re going to define as a destabilizing change of perspective of one’s past, present, and future trajectory of life. 

It may be what’s actually happening in a physical sense, but more so, it’s about the stories we’re telling ourselves about that story. 

Example: Learning you’ve been lied to

For instance, take a grown adult who just learned his parents aren’t actually his birth parents. That can lead to a totally life-altering and shifting way of thinking about and interacting with not just his parents and family, but his whole life.

He might question everything. Is everyone he loves a lie? Can anyone be trusted? Who really is he? All these things he’s believed for so long are now thrown into question. The future he envisioned for himself and making his parents grandparents to his children is now totally different. And what about his real parents?

And on and on. This can make “normal life” really hard to function in while he’s in this period of grief and transition. 

Even though physically, nothing actually happened to precipitate it other than new knowledge of what’s been true the whole time. 

Mid life crisis can fuck with our versions of the past, our present, and our future. 

And then they can mess up our perceptions of ourselves–whether we can trust ourselves again. And you can imagine the spillover that has in any and every other area of life. 

Okay. 

Cool. Got the idea here? A mid-life crisis is like a tornado ripping through your town in a way that you don’t recognize it anymore. You don’t know where you are, where you belong, or even who you are anymore. 

Talk about destabilizing. 

Yea. If you want to shake things up, this is definitely the way to go. 

Now. Let’s get on to the recipe. (We all know that’s what you really came here for anyway.)

24 Ingredients for a Mid-Life, Identity Crisis

Now remember. These are ingredients that you’ll likely want to experiment with. In terms of amounts, you’ll have to experiment and see the right dose of each to match the intensity of spice you’re looking for. And these ingredients can all be mixed and matched, substituted out, as you see fit.

So don’t let one that you’re not a fan of make you feel like this recipe can’t still be made for you. It’s really for everyone, non discriminating, all inclusive.

Try them this next year, or for the holidays! They’re great additions to keep everything really fresh and lively and keep you on your toes. Enjoy! 

1. Spend your 20s, 30s, and 40s climbing the ladder everyone says will make you happy.

You know, the American Dream! Get the promotion, the super attractive husband/wife, the white-picket fence, and the kids…happily ever after!

2. Stay busy…really, really busy. 

The last thing you want in this recipe is to stop whisking the stovepot long enough to slow down and ask yourself if you’re really happy. Because, of course you’re happy, right!??

3. Focus on making that money.

Who cares if you hate what you’re doing all day. Live for the weekends. Work hard, play hard! Who isn’t happy with six-figures, those nice wheels, and a yacht to spend the weekends on?

4. Definitely don’t question your sexuality. 

Exploring would just make you gay. You’re not gay. You can’t be gay. You’re just confused.

5. Whatever your parents think you should do with your life—do that. 

I mean, they know best. So you might as well just take their advice without questioning it. Plus, you wouldn’t want them disappointed in you, right?

6. Try hard to forget any uncomfortable memories. 

You know all that childhood stuff? Yea. Just ignore it, there’s no way that would still be affecting you all these decades later.

7. When overly (or minorly) stressed, just have a couple drinks.

The hangover at work is just more proof that the job is the problem, not the drinking.

8. Experiment with uppers and downers until you find your drug of choice. 

Yep. And then never stop. You might just start needing to get more and more of it, but if you followed #3, that won’t be a problem. 

9. Focus on pleasing everyone else.

Treat others like you want to be treated, right? So stop being so selfish and focusing on yourself and what you want. Be a people person, and don’t ever say no.

10. Don’t bother learning about any woo-woo emotional, self-love stuff. 

Better yet, make fun of those woo-woo granola heads whenever you can. That’ll help internally reinforce how much it’s just nonsense so you don’t waste any time around those people. 

11. Don’t rock the boat. 

Don’t bring it up, don’t mention it. Even if someone hurt you. Remember, avoid any  uncomfortability at all costs. 

12. Marry the type of person your parents want you to marry. 

Don’t worry, they did the hard work in deciding your future spouse’s gender, race, and social class for you. 

13. Don’t consider that you might not be straight. 

Especially if you’re already married. That would be a disaster.

14. Hastily erase any evidence of the aging process.

Don’t worry, there’s a whole beauty market out there to help you.

15. Don’t talk to anyone about your feelings. 

Don’t mention thoughts about dying. We don’t talk about that kind of stuff. 

16. Stay in that dysfunctional marriage. 

Because starting over after 50? Hell no.  

17. Leave your marriage for that younger stud. 

If it seems like the solution to everything, it probably is. 

18. Don’t bring up difficult topics with your partner. 

Because love is supposed to be hard, so bite your tongue. And get used to it.

19. Don’t get a divorce. 

Because God says you’re not supposed to do that, even if you’re miserable and it’s unhealthy. 

20. Get a divorce. 

Because they are 100% of the problem. So things will get 100% better after you leave. 

21. Make your kids the center of your universe. 

Hobbies? Friends? Who needs them. A good parent is a self-sacrificing one.

22. Never say no. 

Especially to your kids. What kind of terrible parent are you? 

23. Get really good at numbing any pain or discomfort in your body. 

That’s what the pills are for, after all. 

24. Every few years when life gets too boring or tiring, make a drastic change.

Get bangs, move out of state, change jobs. That’ll fix everything.

Catch the pattern in these ingredients?

I know, that can all be a bit overwhelming. It’s not a recipe for the faint of heart, that’s for sure! 

But over the years, I’ve learned a more condensed way to remember the recipe, in case you’re ever without WiFi and need a handy dandy recipe on the go. 

The key element behind all these ingredients is a single thing. In other words, all these ingredients are just symptoms of the same core problem. 

And what’s that one, central, core problem? Well, little grasshopper, I’m glad you asked!

A mid-life crisis is bound to happen from the pain of any area of life you’re not living authentically in.

Now, what the heck does that mean, you might ask? 

Well, it’s whenever we haven't done enough of the internal work to have a relationship with ourselves where we are able to discover what OUR truth is, not whatever everyone else’s is that maybe we’ve subconsciously picked up over the years. And just knowing our truth isn’t enough. It takes courage and consistency in action to actually put it into practice and make it a reality.

That’s where the magic is. 

There’s support to help

So if you have some sort of practice of tuning inward and practicing being really honest with yourself, taking accountability, and creating meaningful action and change in your life, I’m afraid to tell you this recipe probably isn't for you. 

But if you could use some help fine tuning this recipe for you (or making sure you correct the recipe you’ve already got on the stove top), it might be worth a conversation with someone who knows about these common patterns. 

Whether a coach, a therapist, or a trusted friend who will call BS on you when appropriate, you deserve an honest conversation for some help creating the recipe of a life you want. 

And if a crisis has already burned up your kitchen, well, we can always clean it up and try again.

You’re not alone, dear sous chef. 

The people I work with in my coaching practice are typically very surprised by how quickly they can start to get their life back on track by taking some simple, concrete actions to get themselves back in alignment with their authentic selves.

So if that’s you, stick around and sign up for my newsletter: it’s all about real stories from my own life, of what it means to live authentically.

*** P.S. Here’s me hoping you could catch the sarcasm in those 24 points. Please don’t actually believe any of that stuff. Some of it hurt just writing it.***