Why First Dates Should Be at the Gym

Hey-

You know, you seem really interesting, and I’d love to get to know you better. What do you think about going out on a date?-- And before you answer, I have an idea. Instead of getting dinner or grabbing a coffee, what if we do something else? 

You mentioned you have the gym on Saturday morning, and so do I—what if we meet up afterwards? I don’t care if you’re all sweaty or even if you stink. I’ll probably be a mess, too. Or better yet, why don’t we hit the gym together? You can come to mine, or I can come to yours. 

I know it’s maybe not the most traditional thing, but think about it: do you really want to meet someone at their “best,” when they’re dressed up, with makeup and all proper and put together? I’d rather not pretend. I’d rather meet someone at their worst, when they’re exhausted, disheveled, and not overthinking the “right” thing to say. 

I’m kind of bored of fake smiles and awkward, nervous laughs over coffee. (I don’t even drink coffee.)

I don’t care who is stronger or more fit

Listen, I get that it’s probably a weird request for a first date. But for me it’s not about seeing who is more fit or who is faster or stronger (although, if you do lift more than I do, that’s pretty hot). I just want to see each other at our realest moments. How do you face hard times? 

It’ll give us a chance to see each other at the moments when we forget the other person is there. When we’re just focused on surviving–breathing and moving, one more rep at a time. We’ll get to see how comfortable each of us are with being uncomfortable. 

Isn’t that something you’d want to know? Isn’t that more valuable than sitting and talking about what both of us do for a living?

What are your pre-workout routines? 

Are you the type that gets to the gym right on time for class, or 10 minutes early? Do the people there know your name? Do they smile when they see you? Do you all have inside jokes?  I’m just curious.

Do you have a favorite coach? I wonder if you’d like the gentle, encouraging ones, or do you like the one who will get up in your face to push you in your hardest moments? (I need both sometimes.)

I wonder if you’ll roll your eyes at me when I crouch down to say hi to the gym dog. (I can’t help it.) Do you find any excuse to walk by him yourself, too? 

How do you approach a hard workout?

When the coach starts to explain what a doozy of a workout it’s about to be, does it make you nervous, or excited? (I may have a couple nerves…) 

Do you ask what the goal time is, or what the time cap is? (I always need to know the cap for when I’ll be rescued from my misery.)

When your shoulder isn’t feeling right, do you pretend like everything is fine and try to push through? Or do you say, “I can’t do that today”? 

What’s it like when you’re “in the zone”?

What’re you like when you don't think you can push any harder–do you zone out and go deep? Do you take a few seconds to collect your breath? (I’m always needing to catch my breath.)

Do you smile in the middle of the workout when your song comes on? (I love it when that happens.) And do you prefer it blasting so loud so you can’t hear yourself think, or do you prefer to hear yourself breathing? (I need it LOUD.) 

Do you get so in the zone that you start dancing in between sets? (My moves are… notable.)

You know that moment when you’re partway through the workout, and all the blood and hormones running through your body make you feel high? That’s my favorite. 

I think it’s always funny when we’re all lying on the dirty floor afterwards, staring at the ceiling, all so content to just not be moving. 

What is it like when you’re tired and lying on the floor–are you worried about your hair being a mess, or are you more focused on just trying to catch your breath? (My hair is always a mess anyway.)

What are you like when you’re depleted afterwards?

And we all have those workouts where we don’t do as well as we would have hoped. I want to hear how you talk to yourself in those moments. Do you beat yourself down, or are you good enough with having given it your best? (I’ve gotten a lot better at this.)

Can you smile and laugh at the times when you fail a rep? 

I want to see how long your face stays flushed even after the workout ends.

I want to see how in touch with your body you are as you stretch afterwards, how you know your one side needs a little more attention than the other. (My left side is so needy.)

Do you thank the coach after the class? (Sometimes I forget.)

The other girl who finishes before you, do you avoid her because it’s hard to accept that someone outworked you? Or do you give her a congrats and tell her how you have no idea how she did that? (No really, how the hell did she do that?)

And the people who aren't as fast as you, do you stick around to cheer them on? (I know that means a lot to me all the not-uncommon times when I’m last.)

When you’re done, do you stick around and stretch for a while? Or are you in a hurry to leave and find some food? 

Maybe we can even grab food afterwards?

Well, good idea, maybe afterwards we can go grab some food together. It’ll be great, we’ll both be so ravenously hungry that we won’t care about looking decent or taking small bites. 

And I wonder when we’re there, and when you’re that drained, what lights up your eyes? Is it the moment you see your favorite thing on the menu? Is it the first sip of your latte?  

I wonder if you’ll laugh at me when I ask if the cafe has chopsticks. (I mean, they serve poke, so shouldn't they?)

So, what do you say?

I’m just saying, doesn’t that sound like a good first date? Isn’t that a good way to get to know someone, at their most real moments?

You see, I do want to get to know you, and I want you to get to know me too. And I think this is a pretty good (I mean, brilliant) way. 

I don’t want to see you at your best, I want to get to know you when you’re exhausted, sweaty, and when you stink: when you’re not pretending.

So, this Saturday, 9am. Let’s meet at the gym–what do you say?