Thoughts About Quitting Coffee

Do you want to know what the funny thing is about quitting coffee? Well- actually, I guess there are a couple of funny things I’ve learned about it in the little under a year that I’ve now quit for.

It’s going to come up in conversation

The first thing is that the topic of you quitting is going to come up in a conversation. Don’t ask me how, but somehow, it’s guaranteed to be something that comes up or that people notice. Whether it’s a date that offers to go out for coffee, or a “coffee chat at work” or morning work meeting. I found it interesting how often it’d be a natural thing that would come up or that people would notice and ask about. 

“Why’d you quit?”

The even more funny thing about quitting coffee is what happens when you tell someone that you’ve quit. After having the same conversation over and over again, I can guess with 90% certainty the next thing someone is going to say after I tell them I quit.

They always ask some version of, “Why? What made you do that?”

The funnier thing is that no one ever asks why I started. Think about that for a second. They don’t ask because that would be an obvious answer, right? “It’s America, it’s just the norm, it’s what we do!”

So they ask why I quit. And I always chuckle to myself, because coffee (caffeine) is the only drug that you can quit, and when you tell people about it, the response is, “Why? Why would you do that?”

It’s pretty hilarious when you think of it. Imagine someone telling their friend that they just kicked dope. And imagine their friend looking surprised, puzzled even, and saying, “Well, why would you do that?”

Right, they wouldn’t, because it’s a drug. It’s insinuated that it's probably not a great thing to be doing in the first place, so maybe you’d congratulate them, you’d say, good for you, anything. But you wouldn’t give them a confused look and look to hear them justify their reason for quitting.

The thing is, when people would ask me why, they’d ask it as if there is an inclination that I made a weird or wrong decision. Or maybe just a decision that they’re going to get defensive about and justify their own consumption of it. 

Somehow, many people then feel the need to tell me how they don’t drink that much coffee, how they could quit if they wanted, or how they’ve maybe quit in the past for short stints. In other words, it’s not a problem for them.
And part of me always wants to ask, “Are you saying that for me, or for you to hear yourself out loud so you can believe that it’s true?”

It’s a funny thing.

Other folks ask, “Why?” with a sort of desperation that says, Ohhh. Do you know something I should know?

It can be hard to face the truth that they too have the ability to quit if they really wanted to. 

“So really though, why’d you quit?” 

So the real answer is that I sort of quit by accident. Like I said before, I’d sometimes go a couple of days without drinking coffee (and before the withdrawal symptoms would really kick in). 

I’d recently read a book (audiobook) called Caffeine, by Michael Pollan, which really got me thinking critically about my caffeine (coffee) usage and dependency. It was his accounts of quitting and all that he learned along the way.

A couple of weeks before that, I’d read a book about sleep (Why We Sleep, Matthew Walker), and soon after, read a book about habits (Atomic Habits, James Clear). Before that, a friend of mine told me about something with Chakra energy and how caffeine slowly depletes it (or something like that). So I had all this stuff twirling around in my head about sleep, health, and the habits needed to design a lifestyle I really wanted for myself. 

Now, I say I sort of quit on accident because sometime after reading those, I happened to go a few days without having coffee (not too unusual). But then, the next time that I almost brewed a new pot, I decided that I already had a few days behind me, and I decided, hey, what the heck, I’ll give it a shot.

I also tend to just enjoy testing my limits, seeing what’s possible, so I almost took it as a challenge to see if I could. It was never meant to be a full on “lifestyle change.”

So I decided I’d quit for a bit, just because. That was nearly a year ago at this point. 

It didn’t take long for me to start really missing it. And more than just the caffeine kick– I missed the ritual of it. The grinding of the beans. The smell of the fresh ground coffee. And the smell when the pot would be done brewing.

I all of a sudden felt like I was missing out on a whole aspect of society and everyday life, and that I was on the outskirts. I started missing the idea of hanging out in coffee shops (not that I really did that much anyway, but it was that now it would be too tempting for me to do that. I’d miss doctoring up my cup with stevia, milk, and a dash of cinnamon. It’s funny those little things you miss. 

Detox and withdrawals

Let me tell you what wasn’t funny: Detoxing. Withdrawing. 

I never thought quitting would affect me the way it did. After all, I was never a quadruple shot macchiato Starbucks regular. I mostly brewed a pot at home in the morning, and had 2-3 mugs in the morning (and never after 2pm).

Quitting coffee kicked my ass in a way that I would have never expected. I had no idea how addicted I was and how affected I’d be. After all, I’d gone some weekends or maybe longer without it before, so I really didn’t think it was a big deal.

For the first couple of days, I was mostly okay. A week in, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was feening. HARDCORE. 

I became super depressed for days. I didn't understand why it was so hard to get out of bed. The funny thing was how I didn’t even realize that it was the caffeine withdrawal at the time because I was that far in denial about how dependent I actually was. I was trying to piece together what was happening in my life that I'd be so depressed about. And it just didn’t add up. 

I had no motivation to get out of bed, no drive to do any of these things that normally excite me. 

After the depression came a period of irritability. I had a short fuse with any and everyone. At work, I had no patience to let anyone finish what they were saying. I was a walking misery. Not my finest moments.

I’d be sipping my tea on my morning Zoom calls at work and start to envy everyone I saw who was drinking coffee. I’d look with distaste at anyone drinking coffee, because I was convinced they didn’t fully understand and appreciate the gold they were sipping, and what I wouldn’t give for some of it. I honestly believe that if it weren’t a virtual meeting, I might have even stolen a few sips from their mug when they weren’t looking. Thank God for Zoom.

At that time, my sleep was also all messed up, which was weird because I assumed it’d be better if I wasn’t drinking coffee, right?

Well, my body had to adjust and get back to baseline. To even figure out what that was anymore. I’d lie awake in bed at night, wide awake, as if my body was aching for something. And eventually I’d get to sleep, and then I’d wake up, stare at the ceiling, and again feel myself aching for something.

Then that time I drank half a cup of decaf

After a couple weeks, I was really missing the taste of coffee and figured I’d make myself a cup of decaf coffee to start my day. I drank maybe half a cup of this decaf coffee (mind you, I used to drink 3 daily cups of normal brew) and I was the most animated person on the first meeting of the day. I was kind of bouncing off the walls with energy I didn’t even know what to do with. And I’m normally pretty animated and energetic anyway, so I’m sure it didn’t stand out all that much to most people. But I knew the difference. I felt out of control. Like I was following my feet running in front of me. And like my mouth was opening with things to say before I’d even thought it through. 

And I guess that’s a moment that stuck out for me– That it doesn't matter if anyone else noticed the difference–I do.

Remembering what it’s like to quit drugs

It'd been a long time, over a decade, since I quit any drug. And to be honest, I didn't quite remember the intensity of what that withdrawal (physical and mental) felt like until I quit coffee.

The parallels are funny, because the other drugs I did while I was actively using as a teenager were the same way: Most folks had no idea I was even using. Meanwhile, I was quietly destroying my life, dying on the inside. It was just a matter of time before I’d completely self-destruct. And no one knew. But I knew.

Here’s some other lessons and interesting observations I’ve picked up over the past year of being coffee-free.

More serious prioritization of my sleep

Probably the biggest change that’s come from me after quitting coffee is being more mindful and intentional about my sleep. In the past, if I didn’t sleep enough, it wouldn't be a big deal– I’d have enough coffee in the morning to perk me right up.

Now, if I haven’t slept enough, I’m going to feel it. And that means I prioritize my schedule so that I can try to get the 8-9 hours/night that I really need to be at my best. Of course, there are nights where that doesn’t happen, and sure, I’m not feeling great in the morning. 

But surprisingly—and it’s been a while at this point so I can’t really know for sure — even on my tired days, I don’t feel as groggy as I did back when I drank coffee (Walker talks about this in his book how our brain and body chemistry is affected pretty much 24/7 by caffeine, so our normal hormones to wake us up and wind us down are all out of sync with the additional chemical stimulant (is it uncomfortable that I refer to it that way?). So even these days when I don’t sleep enough, I don’t crave coffee and the need for that external jumpstart the way I did back then.

It’s weird, I know. 

Decaf is not the same as caffeine-free

Like I mentioned before, I didn’t think that decaf had any significant caffeine amounts in it. And boy was I wrong about that. Especially for someone who is detoxed and whose body would be sensitive to even small amounts of it.

I’d pretty much equated decaf with caffeine free, and it took me a while to realize how those were not the same.

People don’t recognize why it matters

When you’re not drinking coffee (or caffeine at all, which I did for a short stint the first few months of quitting) I’d be the one at the store or restaurant asking which of the teas is caffeine free. 

When the waiter says he thinks the mango one is and asks if I want that one, I realized that no one really takes this caffeine thing seriously. He’s willing to potentially give me a beverage that has some of this drug in it without any thought or serious consideration about it, like it’s so casual. And god-forbid he confused “decaf” with “caffeine-free.”

It just started to dawn on me how to him, that was a good enough answer. Meanwhile, what I’m asking is a serious question of whether there are drugs in my beverage, and he shrugs it off like it’s not a big deal, I shouldn’t worry about it. 

That’s more of that ingrained societal belief around coffee and caffeine: “It’s not a big deal.”

Teecino is a lifesaver

This is a chicory, caffeine free “coffee” tea that I found early on. Gamechanger. Totally love it. I definitely recommend anyone trying it (whether you drink coffee or not!). There are lots of nutrients and health benefits, and whether it was the placebo effect or not, it does make me feel more alert in the morning.

Dependency vs. addiction

Then I learned that there is a difference between addiction and dependency. I don't actually know what the difference is, but I know I'm a freakin addict. So I know that when you give me something that feels good, I just want more of it. That's what I know. And that’s enough to keep me at arm’s length.

I can’t waste the leftovers, right?

After I quit, I realized that I had some unfinished coffee products in my apartment: a coffee protein powder, opened bags of coffee beans, and even a cold brew bottle in the fridge.

And to this day, even a year later, I still haven’t been able to get rid of them. It’s insidious! It’s like I need to keep it there, just in case.

Vacation-coffee?

Maybe a month after I quit, I went on vacation (a pretty epic one at that, a road trip down the Pacific Coast Highway!). I told myself at this point that if I wanted to have a couple of cups of “vacation coffee” while I was there, that I was allowed to.

What was amazing is that I didn’t even crave it. Red eye flights and all– no coffee needed.

Watching the lines at the drug dealing coffee shop

Whenever I travel in the morning I especially notice this in airports– long windy lines at the Starbucks. Something about seeing this line of dozens of people, like zombies, waiting in line for their fix, and me being able to walk on by without missing it just gives me such a different perspective. Somehow, this is culturally appropriate that people cannot function and cannot start their day without this added substance.

Sounds like a public line at the drug dealer’s place, and no one dares to even question it.

Norms at work

Talking about culturally accepted norms, think about this: At a morning work meeting, for instance, it’d be perfectly socially acceptable to explain that you made a mistake or blanked out on something or are performing at less than your normal standard, because, “Oh, I haven’t had my coffee yet.” 

Does anybody else see this as totally wild that we accept that this outside substance has such a bearing on our performance in our jobs? 

Not wanting to have the withdrawals again

Listen, even after saying all this, I'm not saying that I will never drink coffee again. Because when I quit, the only reason I quit was because I was just quitting for a little bit. I didn't know if I could quit forever. So I'm not saying I'm done with it for good, and I’m not claiming to be anything holier than anybody because I choose not to drink. If people are happy with coffee, I don’t judge them whatsoever. 

I think part of what keeps me from going back is remembering how hard the withdrawals were. Because I know if I started again, and wanted to quit, it’d be like that again (I guess technically it wouldn't have to be if I did a more gradual wean-off, but the mental/psychological aspect of getting that craving back is enough to keep me away.)

Maybe just drink coffee on Saturdays?

Like I said, I don't know if I'll drink coffee again. I very well may, or may not. I just know that today, I don’t have the urge or the craving, and that lack of desire to use feels really good, so I’m riding with it. 

In that caffeine book I mentioned by Michael Pollan, he mentions his experiment with quitting coffee, and he reasoned with himself to have Saturday be a day he could drink coffee because of how much more productive and efficient it made him at everything he was doing. He was able to get more work done than days without it. The focus and energy was just unmatched.

Sometimes, I consider that, too. I’d get lots more writing and other work done, so it seems like a rational decision, right? That is, until it’s not just Saturdays anymore.

Back in the day when I used to get high, I laughed at the people who would just get high on the weekends. I didn't understand it. There are five other days in a week to feel good, why wouldn’t you? It makes sense, from an addict’s perspective.

That is, until I was one using every day, in total dependency to function whatsoever, and not feeling all that great about it, either. 

But anyway, that’s besides the point — this is about coffee. It’s not the same as those other drugs…right?