Settling into my window seat to Las Vegas, I turn to the woman sitting next to me, “Traveling with family?” I asked.

“No, just friends,” she replied.

“Even better!” I joked.

She shifted uncomfortably: “Well, not really. I wish my parents could be here with me. My mom and dad died two years ago.”

Aside: I’d have been totally fine if a huge boulder fell on top of me and buried me away so no one could see my embarrassment at unknowingly saying something so insensitive. My urge was to hide, to put a mental wall up and ignore her the rest of the flight because of how guilty I felt. But instead, I leaned into the discomfort.

“Wow, I am so sorry. Is this your first time traveling since they’ve passed?” I asked.

It was. Rasberri had been taking care of both her mom and dad for the past 8 years as both of their healths were slowly declining. When her father passed, she had her mom with her at the funeral. Six months later, her mom died, and this time, she didn’t have either of her parents to help her go through the loss with.

Her mom was her best friend. People would even comment and call them twins, mistaking them for sisters. 

She keeps a picture of her and her mom together on her phone lock screen. 

“At least she’s not in excruciating pain anymore,” Raspberry reflects. “That’s the one thing that makes it bearable.” 

Preparing to give her mom her kidney

Her mom had kidney disease and was wheelchair bound the last several years of her life. 

She remembers an argument she had with her mom in the weeks before she passed. Rasberri wanted to make sure her mom was eating healthy to prepare herself for an upcoming kidney transplant for whom Rasberri was a match. Rasberri was making a point to eat well and be active so she’d be in the best state to donate her kidney to her mom. And one day when she saw her mom wasn’t eating healthy one day, she got upset at her. 

It was out of love, but she still regrets it.

“It was selfish,” she recalled. “I wanted her to stay alive just for me, but she was in a lot of pain.”

Signs her mom is still with her

But she gets little signs that her mom is still with her, and that things are forgiven between the two of them. 

Rasberri remembers a day she was home and had a playlist on shuffle. Her mom loved Patti LaBelle, so whenever a song from her comes on, she thinks of her. That day, a song came on from Patti LaBelle. And then another. And another. Five back to back songs by Pattii Labelle played consecutively. It was far too weird to be a coincidence. That was a moment she felt her mom was with her. She savors those moments because it lets her know she’s in a better place. 

She has an older half brother, though they don’t communicate all that much. So it’s kind of just her. “I should probably talk to someone,” she said, “but no, I’ve always been the strong one.”

What life is like after the loss

Since her parents have passed, Rasberri has been able to put more time into her work. She’s now been promoted to manager at The Smith, an upscale restaurant in the heart of Washington, DC. 

This was her first time on vacation in a long time. She hadn’t taken any time off while she was taking care of her parents. Now, she made it a point to take a week off work to celebrate her 28th birthday in Las Vegas with a few of her close friends. 

Rasberri’s birthday was this past Friday—she turned 28. Send her some love in the comments. 

Here’s to the beauty of unexpected connections, and our shared stories of loss, grief, and love.