Interview: My Journey In Becoming a Full Time Relationship Coach

Recently I had the opportunity to have a conversation about coaching, personal growth, relationships, and self-awareness with Alix Sandler on the Biz Wiz Podcast. Check out the recording above and the transcript below.

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All right. Welcome back to the Biz Wiz Podcast. Today we have a very special guest Jolie Higazi. Jolie is a professional relationship and business coach who has been coaching over the last 12 years.

She focuses on holding space and using her intuitive emotional capacity to meet clients where they're at, and help them see blind spots that are holding them back from the lives they want. She also uses her experience in the LGBT and addiction recovery community to be a safe, non judgmental place clients can open up and share things that they've never said out loud before.

Jolie, we're so happy to have you here. Thank you, and welcome to the podcast.

Can you start by telling our listeners a bit about yourself and your journey into becoming a life coach and what kind of inspired you to pursue this career?

Yeah, I always joke that this, this was not part of the plan. For me, this kind of happened by accident, in a sense.

Last year, I was working at a corporate sales and marketing agency. And I've been working at a corporate agency for years, all different agencies. And just last year, I really reached like the pinnacle of my career, I've started making six figures and I was promoted to the highest client facing role in the company. And I was also one of the first women to do so. So I really felt like I had made it.

And I had a total breakdown. I had a panic attack at work. And I was so burned out. And that led me to go on three months of short term disability leave where I really did some soul searching.

And I realized that I love coaching. And I'm a great coach, I'm a great communicator. But I care much more about people than about helping their metrics and revenue numbers go up for their business.

I figure if you're making great money in your business, but you're going home at night, and you're feeling miserable, then I feel like I failed. So I'd rather focus on the more important thing. And that's what led me to start my own coaching practice last year.

So how would you define coaching? And what do you believe sets it apart from the other forms of self help self help or personal development?

Yeah. And I'm glad that you asked this because it is different from the other fields. I see coaching as a co collaborative co creative partnership.

So it's not like there's a power dynamic, like let's say, with a therapist and a client. This is really about two people who are coming together on equal playing field. Who are, they have the same goal.

So for me, as a coach, my goal is to help my clients live their best lives. And a lot of the ways that I do that is by asking questions. And, surprisingly, a lot of what I don't do is give advice. That's not my job.

People can read books and go online, ask Google for advice. What I do is I help them actually look inside of themselves for the answers that they need.

So as we're thinking about what some of those goals are, can you share some examples of the types of goals that people typically seek your guidance for?

It really runs the gamut because I have some clients that are on the life coaching, relationship coaching side, and I have some clients that are on the business coaching side.

So the business coaching ones, those tend to be more straightforward. They want a successful business without burning out, while they're also feeling good at the end of the day without, you know, running themselves ragged.

On the personal side, it really runs the gamut. So I might have some people. Right now I have a client that's going through a divorce, and she's navigating some of these transitions for the first time.

I have some clients that are looking to achieve a certain goal, I was working with a client who wanted to be a screenwriter. And you know, we were working on some habits to build that out and really carve out what her identity is and what she really wants to be.

I've also had other clients deal with all sorts of things, whether it's addiction, or whether it's the process of coming out, whether it's navigating through some trauma or grief or other relationship challenges. It really, really runs the gamut.

So how do you establish trust and rapport with your clients? And what strategies do you use to maintain a positive coaching relationship?

Trust is one of the most important things in that relationship, I tend to be a very trusting person right off the bat. So you know, I just have an energy where I am very sincere, I'm very genuine and authentic.

Even outside of my business, and the work I do, just in my personal life, and my writing, and my, you know, presence online, I'm very open and very transparent about my life in so many ways, you know, especially as a writer, so I think that and of itself gives a basis where people feel like they can trust me right off the bat, because I've already showed so much of myself.

And before I start any coaching relationship with anybody, we always start with a call just to feel out the vibe, I want to make sure that they feel comfortable with me, and that they can ask the questions that are really on their mind and not feel like they need to, like people, please or anything like that.

So I think for me, it's just the recognition that everyone has different levels of trust, some people have a harder time trusting, and I need to really meet them where they're at, and check in with them. Make sure that they feel comfortable.

So whenever anybody's looking for a coach, or you know, a trainer, or a therapist, whatever it is, that's always the most important thing that I say to look for off the bat is, you know, is there a good vibe? Do you feel like you could trust this person and talk to this person? Or do you just get a vibe where you feel more guarded?

That's probably one of the first things I would look for.

So as you're thinking about some of the effective tools and techniques you use as a coach, to help clients make positive changes in their lives, can you kind of dive into what a few of those would be?

I'd say the biggest thing that I offer is a level of self awareness that I help my clients achieve.

Life as, as a whole is just a series of relationships, whether it's with other people, our families, our partners, our jobs, our relationship with our health, whatever it is, and all of those relationships are only going to be as healthy or as fulfilling as our relationship with ourself is because we're the ones that are in each of those relationships with a common denominator. Right.

So a lot of what I do is help my clients achieve more self awareness by tuning inside to themself. So many people are so default wired towards thinking about what everyone else thinks or what everyone else might feel about a certain situation or about them.

So I really help my clients slow down, and learn how to tune in words to where they're at how they're feeling, what are they thinking, what's their gut saying. And that's one of the main things that I help them do is tune inward. So that's one tool.

Another tool is deepening their emotional capacity. The the deeper, we're able to hold space for ourself and our emotions, the more present we're able to be in our daily lives. So, for instance, right when someone's going through a really hard time a divorce, for instance. You know, they're going through some really tough feelings, they're going through some really rough emotions.

And it's easy to specially in our society where we're really taught to just run away from those feelings, right? Just go drink or just go shopping or go eat some food or have sex or whatever it is anything to just dragged from those feelings.

And what I do is I teach people how to actually cope and regulate the feelings that they are having, so that they can move productively through the world without needing to always avoid them or run away from them.

So how do you help your clients stay motivated and committed to their goals? You know, and in the long term?

That's the key question. It's great that you asked that, Alix, because it's not about just a few sessions together. And it's also not about creating a lifelong dependency, where they need to then work with me forever. There are going to be some coaches or some therapists that have that, that outlook where it's like, no, no, you need to stay with me forever. But I don't see that that has to be necessary.

So the way that I really try to help my clients is helping them develop the tools on their own, to a point where they don't need me, at some point, if they want to check in shore, but not in a place where they feel like they need to, sure, in order to continue on with the progress they're making in their life.

When it comes to modeling, what lifelong learning looks like, I really try to just do that, by example. So a lot of times in calls that I might have with a client I'll I'll share when it's relevant, or related to what we're talking about, I'll share about myself, and letting them know that hey, like, this isn't a black and white issue, this is something we continue to grow out, here's what I'm still working on today. And, you know, I just I share as well that that co creative peer relationship, right?

It's, it doesn't mean that I have all the answers. I also have a coach, I have a sponsor, I have a therapist, I have a trauma therapist, I have a physical therapist, I have a supportive community of people, because I realized that I too, have blind spots, and I need people calling me out on it to this day, regardless of how much work I've done up until now.

So I really try to model that, that this is just a lifestyle. And it's a way to just go about life to continue, continue growing and getting better each and every day.

You've been doing this for over 10 years. So in your experience, what are some of the most rewarding transformations or success stories that you've witnessed as a coach?

Oh, man. You know, it's funny, because as you first say that my mind searches for like these big moments, you know, like the, the moment that someone realizes that they're not in a healthy relationship, and they're there, we're ready to actually take some action, or the moment that someone realizes that they're holding themselves back from being happy, because they're trying to make everyone else happy.

Or when someone like finally comes out, right, like, those are big moments that are definitely really exciting.

But I really get a spark and a joy in a lot of the little moments on just any, any week, you know, when I'm meeting with a client, and they just have a small breakthrough, because sometimes the small breakthroughs are actually huge. They change everything.

For instance, I met with a client recently who realized that in their business, they actually have it designed in such a way that they are giving all of their power to the employees and then they're resentful that the employees aren't behaving the way that they want them to. And it's because they're refusing to take take leadership.

Or another client that's that realize that like, what she really wants isn't to sell the business even though her business partner does want to sell the business. So just those moments of clarity when they realize Oh, this is what I really feel. And I didn't even give myself the space or time to really recognize it.

That for me is such a breath of fresh air because I know that we just removed a lot of the, the other gunk in the the baggage that most people live with all the time.

What advice would you have for listeners who may be considering working with a coach, but they're just unsure if it's the right decision for them?

Well, first, what I would say is, I would acknowledge you for even thinking of the opportunity that coaching could offer you, these people don't work with a coach, if, if they don't feel like there's something else that they want out of life. Like, if they're 100%, happy, everything's great, all their goals are met, relationships are wonderful. They don't even think about it, sure.

But to first just have that self awareness, say, Hmm, something's missing. And I don't maybe know exactly what it is, or maybe I do know what it is, but I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to get there. Or maybe everything's great, but I want something more, or whatever it is just that self awareness, I would say congratulations, because that's a huge step and of itself.

And then to acknowledge that you might not be able to figure it out all on your own. And that opening yourself up to get some help is a way that you can get there. There's lots of coaches out there, there's no shortage of coaches, offering all different types of programs and plans and that sort of thing.

And I get that it is a big decision, both from a trust perspective and a time and a financial resource perspective. So the approach that I take with clients that that I would say to look for in other coaches, as well as, this shouldn't feel like a pressured decision.

This shouldn't feel like one of those, like marketing schemes where it's like, buy now and you get 50% off, but you have to make a decision before midnight. And, you know, maybe we've never met before, but we talked for 10 minutes, and then you have to make a like, six month decision, you know, I don't like that at all, like hectic energy just doesn't vibe with me.

And I would say that if that doesn't vibe with you, it doesn't have to, you know, again, it's a relationship, and you should be able to, you know, feel each other out and get a feeling of whether you should trust somebody, just from like, the way they present themselves, either online or, you know, whatever other medium, and when you meet them, you should get the same perception, right? It shouldn't feel like oh, she's one person online or in her book, but then another person in real life.

So, I would say just try to search for somebody that you just feel like there's a connection with call a bunch of people. A lot of a lot of coaches offer some sort of free session, and ask some challenging questions and see how they react. If they get defensive or if they get really salesy or pushy, that can be a great sign, right? That maybe it's not for you.

Ask them if they have a coach of their own. Ask them you know, ask them some challenging questions and see how they react. Because the reality is everyone isn't going to be a good fit for every coach.

And you need to be able to find a coach that you can trust that would say, Hey, I'm maybe not the best person to help you with this specific thing that you're working through, or maybe just like the energy, but maybe they can refer you to somebody else. So it shouldn't feel like a vibe of like, like a sales pitch or something like that. It should really feel like it's something genuine. Yeah,

So, can you share any of your upcoming projects or any initiatives that you're working on or any advice or final thoughts that you'd like to leave our listeners with today?

Yeah, so if you are in any of the listeners for in the Cleveland area, I do have a fair amount of Cleveland workshops, seminars, speaking events coming up, you can check out my website, Joliehigazi.com, check the show notes for how to spell that.

But in terms of advice, one other thing I would say is I have a newsletter, where I share every week some kind of story or insight or learning moment that I'm learning personally. So speaking about that lifelong journey, I share that pretty openly. Like what I'm dealing with my struggles, my challenges, I share that in my newsletter.

So you can also sign up for that on my website, where I also post about any speaking or workshops, I also do a fair amount of virtual live sessions. So even if you're not in the Cleveland area, you can tune in for any of that. So I have some coming up on relationships, and communication, emotional intelligence, that sort of thing.

And the last thing I would say is that, what I've found to be one of the most helpful elements for me, not just in my recovery, but in my my growth as a person is authentic and genuine connections with other people. And me, I happen to be lucky that I have lots of those communities through the LGBT community through the recovery community. But I realized that a lot of people don't have a set place to have that community.

So I created something. It's called soulful Sundays, we meet twice a month, on Sunday evenings at 7:30pm. It's virtual on Zoom, where it's basically a place where we can create this sort of genuine loving, supportive community for people who want to develop these skills and want to meet other heartfelt people that are doing the same. So it's totally free. So if you're interested, you can also visit my website for more info on that.

And, you know, we're just so grateful to have you on the show today. Thank you so much for being here and for giving us some insight into what coaching is, what it's not and how to move forward if you're looking for a coach. So thank you so much Jolie.

Thank you and Alix, thank you for being one of those voices in in everything that you do that that is really genuine and authentic. So I feel an honor just to to have you as one of those people that that I know is also on that journey. So thank you for sharing this with your listeners.