Am I a Sell-out?
Whew. Now that's over with. I can finally let go of the crazy racing thoughts of what the perfect first post will be. It's over. On to the next one.
I work 8:30 am to 5:00 pm, Monday through Friday. It's pretty much exactly the type of job I always said I didn't want to end up in: in an office staring at a computer for the whole day. It's what I used to think of as a sellout type of job where I’m not actually making much of a difference in the world, but I’m getting by. I always saw it as meaningless and purposeless outside of the benefit of the company/corporation.
But it's weird because I don't feel as disgusted by it as I imagined I might be. At the same time, though, I don't feel like I've sold out. I don't feel like I've given up my sense of drive and search for purpose that I've settled for any job that'll give me a paycheck. I kind of enjoy what I do in the sense that I'm learning so much everyday it seems. And that I will be able to take with me where ever I go, no matter where I end up.
Ultimately, I guess that's the point. I haven't stopped looking at the stars. Or the clouds. Or trying to listen to that buzzing in my ears. Or the sparkles I see when I close my eyes. I'm still aiming there. And I suppose it's okay that I'm not there right this moment, because I'm collecting knowledge, experiences, and I'm having a good time doing it, to be honest. Boston, San Francisco, New Orleans, Seattle. It's been fun. I stay in the today, and I'll be just fine.
Anyway, this is my After-hours thoughts blog. Where I can collect all my random thoughts that I can't always fully dive into during those 37.5 hours a week. Because the thing is, I'm still thinking. The gears are still turning. On how I'm going to do something amazing. How I'll make my mark on the world. How all those doubts and fears and confusions from all those years will suddenly come together and all make sense. To transcend all of the surface, and dive deep into the reality of what this is all about. I'm going to do something really great.